KIERA'S STORY

I’m a young mother, 26, of a beautiful girl, 4, but my journey into motherhood didn’t start here. I met my partner at 18 years old and he gained full custody of his son when I was 19. So, in a way... 

 

"...I became his mother figure before even entering adulthood".

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His son was 3yrs old at this time and I felt like I had to step in and step up for him… but had barely taken my first steps into adulthood - let alone parenthood!

It was a rollercoaster.

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"I was navigating the unknown, I'd been thrown a 3 year old and was holding him tight with both hands because he needed that nurturing".

 

Unsurprisingly, this came with many challenges as he suffered from childhood trauma & attachment issues - he was also really seeking that motherly affection. None of my friends had children and I knew no one who became a mama figure so young, but this was our little family and it’s almost impossible to imagine it any differently.

 

2 years down the line I fell pregnant with our daughter. I spent a lot of this time worrying about my partners son and was determined to make sure he didn’t feel less than / less important with the new baby on the way. I experienced intrusive thoughts because his mother still lived quite close, and, during her arranged visits, she was frequently very abusive towards me - particularly during this pregnancy.

 

When my baby girl arrived, I did feel a little isolated at the start. Not only because I was experiencing the new-born phase for the first time but also having to juggle parenting an older child alongside that. However, whilst it was initially hard to navigate, they absolutely adore each other so I feel very grateful & blessed for that!

When my daughter turned 2 (just at the end of lockdown) my partner went to rehab for 6 months. I was alone, solo parenting our daughter, his son and comprehending a lot of big emotions. His son particularly felt at a loss without a present birth mother or father, but he knew he had me. Despite being his constant, the side effect of being his safe space was that a lot of anger was taken on me, and although I understood, it was a difficult time for us both. When my partner returned, my daughter felt detached from him. I realised the impact on my daughter of having someone, who was such a fundamental part of her life, suddenly not being there for such a big chunk of time.

Fast forward 2 years, and, with a break in between, my partner and I are now rebuilding our relationship together.

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"I feel stronger as a mother/ step mother in a blended family, more so now with the support of my partner who is now on a journey towards recovery".

 

A rollercoaster - but I wouldn’t change it for the world!

It is rare that a father gets full custody of the child - but it happens.

It’s RARE that a 19 year old takes on the mother- role (in a very tricky dynamic) – but it happens.

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I will never take away from the fact he has a birth mother, that's his mum. But, in the moments he needs me, I will be there in whatever capacity he requires, and in whatever form that takes; friend, parent or simply just a listening ear. 

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Difficulties I found within the system was that...

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"...there was never a check box for me on forms".

 

Step mothers who then go on to have their first (birthed) child get less benefits, and less support due to the child being “second” on paper - but this was my first experience of a new-born …and I was navigating two!

To the young blended families, you are not alone! Navigating the multitudes of emotions, relations, conversations, reasonings, therapies all whilst still trying to find your own place in this world...

 

It’s tough, it’s a journey, but it can be also be so beautiful, in the most unexpected ways.

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Kiera currently runs Family Wellness classes in  South East London including, Baby Massage, Story Massage and Perinatal Support Sessions. 

Go to https://babypalms.co.uk to find out more or to book a session!